In high school I struggled a lot in English class. I would write papers with really good ideas, but I struggled communicating my ideas and advancing my writing from just a stream of thoughts to detailed ideas or an endless conversation. I would write and write for hours going back and rereading things and changing things, but I never had a way of changing the direction of the paper. I always liked that five-paragraph essay because it felt like it was template and I would think on first paragraph introduction followed by three body paragraphs, then a conclusion. Coming into college I didn’t have any rules other than focus on grammar, the five-paragraph essay, use words that could paint a picture for the reader (words like strolls instead of walks). Before my first college English class I was expecting it to be Eric going up and telling us to write a big essay on who we were and where were from. Instead we kept it low key and wrote how we felt about felt about this class and how we felt about English. Then after that first class I was thinking alright well now I don’t know expect.
I guess that it was kind of a good thing I didn’t come into college with lots of rules for writing because it made learning in class about general things we should be aware of when we are writing. One thing I learned was to have more thoughtful thoughts. Meaning when you are thinking find something that is interesting to you then find questions that will take you to different things that relate. Trying to write with my old rules didn’t fair out all that well I always thought that five paragraphs was sufficient when there were still a lot of things unexplained. This goes back to the thoughtful thought I should be having. If there were unanswered questions I obviously was not having thoughtful thoughts.
I would have never thought in high school that I would want to write more to explain something. I would just leave it the way it was. Another thing that I would do is become so stuck in one thing that I wanted to write about but not be able to because I couldn’t explain it with out making it overly long. So I would try to rush and under explain things because I thought I wouldn’t be ok for it being that long. Now I try to over explain things and the most articulate way. sometimes it I get lost and it becomes just a stream of thoughts all accumulating in my mind and I just move too fast for my own good. That usually happens when I get excited. I have learned to slow myself down and concentrate on the important things.
I would say that it’s ok to get excited and rush to capture the ideas that come to you when you’re in the flow. Just be sure to go back and flesh them out, tie them together, and reconsider them once the rush of creativity is over. That’s when you let the calmer, more deliberate writer take over.
I’d love to see you integrating quotes from the sources indicated on the prompt in this segment of the essay.
Some grammar mistakes, and try to find another term for “thoughtful thought” it can get repetitive when mentioned a few times in the same paragraph.
Maybe use a quotation from a hs essay and another from one of your works this year to show the growth that you’ve had.